He's everywhere I bloody look!
by Lily the klutz
Summary: It is not easy to be Lily Evans...Not only does she has to deal with the fact that she is the biggest kluz to ever walk this earth, but she also has to figure out, why she is seeing the school's sex god James Potter


**Friday, August 12, my room at Home.**

AGH! I'm going crazy here! That…that…ARGH!...THAT MUGGLE! There is simply no other word for her. I'll bet if Tuna was alive under the Salem witch trial, she would be one of those women that would yell "WITCH!" everytime she saw her neighbour had cleaner sheets than her.

Seriously, if I am looked up in some mental hospital in twenty years from now, I'll guarantee that my loving big sister has caused 93 per cent of my problems. Thank GOD AND MERLIN for my parents' ability to see when Petunia is creating a scene for the joy of attention.

Now, my dear, deeply cherished and lifesaver for my mind Journal, you are wondering what the Hell it is I am complaining about. I went to Muggle Bristol for a shopping trip with my dear mother and my really cool father, who loves to spoil his youngest daugther when she is home from her boarding school (So NOT complaining being spoiled!) Most of the trip went in silence between my stupid sister and me. My mother was doing all the talking for four of us. Suddenly Tuna turns towords mum and says "Mummy? Is it alright if I leave you with the little spastic freak witch here with you, while I'll look after my wedding dress in that store over there?"

This may sound and be qualified as normal in the Evans' Household for my sister to call me freak and other rather not-so-nice sounding adjectives; however it most certainly is NOT a NORMAL thing to discuss in the middle of downtown Bristol-MUGGLE BRISTOL I might add! And the worst part is that she said it REALLY loud, hell she pretty much just yelled it in the middle of the street!

My dear sweet mum began at once to hush Tuna and whisper rather loudly to her that she expected more from a grown woman like Tuna and she should treat her little sister with love, respect and affection!

Affection, my arse! I have this theory that Petunia might have dropped me on my head when I was still an infant, which is the reason why I have turned out to such a kluz. The part of the brain that controls movement has been permanent damaged!

Anyway, we decided to split up, so Mum and Tuna went looking for stuff to the wedding, while Dad and I went clothes shopping. Or rather I went clothes shopping, while I forced my father with me to save him from Tuna and as thank you he would pay for all my new stuff. I LOVE MY DAD!

We drove home four hours later. Mum looked like she might have one hell of headache coming and Tuna decided to start, as the Americans say, trashing me again, since we were nolonger in public. I've spent four wonderful hours with my father talking, shopping and just goofing around. I was in such a good mood, before I entered that car.

A three hour drive spent fighting with Tuna, why the Hell she had to stop up in the middle of the street and practically yell to the world that I am a witch. My parents decided to give up meddling between us and started to tune us out and have a private conversation.

Ugh!...AV!...Mum is nolonger the only one fighting of a headache.

I need a headache tablet right now!

Back in a minute

L.E

**5 minutes later (4 minutes later than promised, so sue me!) Friday evning, My Room at the Evans' Household**

Guess who had just taken the last tablet-yep, you guess itTuna!

Asked my all-knowing-dad what to do since all the stores are closed. "Go to bed, little darling…It's the only cure against a Petunia headache." Now I know that my parents love both of their children, but I realistic here. We are quite the handful, espeacially Tuna.

Tuna usually begs untill she gets her way, which is when my father, who never gets sick, can feel a headache come on.

Wait a sec; someone is knocking on my door.

Oh, just mum! Oh look, she's here to tuck me in! How sweet! Dad must have talked to her. Yep, just as I remember it. A warm cup of strawberry tea on a tray, a small plate of fruit and biscuits. I suddenly feel as though I have travelled back in time. I'm seven years old and simple cannot for the life of me understand how Tuna is allowed to be up later than me. She's not that much older than me. My mother tries to comfort me and explain that there is a little difference between me and my sister and she is allowed a few more things than me because of the age difference.

I see mum's mouth moving…why is it moving?…OH! She's talking, I better listen! (I'm a bit slow right now, since it took me a little over a minute to realize that my mother was speaking to me.)

Dad told her that I had a major Tuna headache and there were tablets left, she thought she'd bring her little baby some warm tea for headache and some biscuits and little fruit for the mood. Now she's apologizing for Tuna's behaviour in Bristol. My first thought: If anybody should apologize, it's Tuna. In fact, she should be on her knees begging for the forgivness she'd never receive.

But I am Lily Evans and a thought usually don't stay just a thought, but becomes speech. (This is because I have a major flaw in my personality. I say what I think and don't think of the consequences it may have on the people around me.) This is not exception. I tell my mother my thought and I receive a chuckle from mother dearest.

She is well aware of the relationship between Tuna and I. And more than aware of my flaw since my father has the problem. It's a genitic problem.

You should have seen the trouble this little flaw caused me in elementary school, Hell it still causes me trouble in school, but now I serve my detention in Hogwarts.

I chat a little with my mum and we talk about school and why I haven't had a boyfriend yet. According to mum, I take after my dad and live in my own little music/book filled world. What do I need a boyfriend for?

Mum kisses me goodnight and tell me to drink the tea before I go to sleep. And of course don't forget to brush my teeth and they'll rot and fall out and then I can't eat my prescious strawberries or spaghetti. I tell her that I not tired and am considering weather to play a little guitar, read in the book I currently reading in or write Charlie a letter. She responds by saying should do neither of those things because I am tired. I ask her how she knows that and looks me straight in the eyes and says "I'm your mother, honey. I know everything. You may have real magic, but I have mother magic and am very powerful." Then she kisses me again, gets up and leaves the room.

Wow, I'm sleepy all of the sudden. And MY HEADACHE IS GONE! BLESS Mum and her mother powers-that-be. Seriously, I know my mum is a muggle, but sometimes I wonder is she really has a little magic in her, because when she really wants Tuna or I to do something, we do it! No matter how stubborn we are being, we always give in to mum. She can be quite scary when she's mad and goes all I'm your mother and you better do as a say or you'll get hit by lighting cause by my mother power-that-be.

Need to drink tea before I fall asleep. Need to brush teeeth or nomore strawberries or speghetti to little Lily!

My pillow looks so comfy right now.

Night! Much love Lily

**Swansea Beach, Sunny Saturday, currently sunbading with next door kid Joshua and his family.**

Right now my family and our neighbours are spending the day at the beach. I forgot to introduce myself last night, but I was rather upset about Tuna. Anyway as I do when ever I start a new Journal I start by introducing myself and tell a little about myself, so if my journal should be found by someone in a hundred and thirty years from now, they will see how weird and crazy this Lily Evans was in the nineteen seventies.

As they say in America; the show must go on:

My full name is Lilyanna Elizabeth Evans and I live near Swansea Beach with my family in England.

My mother Isabella (former surname Caliaño) Evans is born and raised in Italien and met my father in Rome. They fell in hopelessly in love and decided to move to England and raise a family there. That how they tell their story anyway. The real story is that my father Paul Evans was an Irish barrister, who had decided to take the year off and travel the world. He came across a small Inn where he saw a beautiful woman crying her eyes out (My mother, in case you didn't guess) because her manager had cheated her from all her money. Mum has a beautiful voice and worked as a singer and was, as the paper called her, an upcoming star. My dad decided to help her by becoming her laywer. They sued the manager and won, but the manager had many contacts, so he made sure mum would never work as a singer again.

During the lawsuit my parents fell in love, but as the end of the year came closer, my dad broke the news to my mum that he had to return to Ireland. My mother finally realized that there was nothing left for her in Italy, so she left her native country in order to be with her true amoré. They got married and moved to England, because Dad got fired and had to find another job.

My mother and father are today still hopelessly in love. Mum works as a kindergarden teacher and Dad started his own lawfirm. He's been quite a succesful barrister, but always made sure he was a father and a loving husband, before the succesful barrister.

I have a big sister, who has hated my guts since I drew my first breath. Mum once told me that Tuna is jealous of me, because I'm a daddy's girl. I was always interested in dads work and loved to hear his stories about how he defended the innocents and locked away bad guys.

Petunia and I are as different as day and night. Tuna has blond hair, is tall and really long neck.

(My friend Charlie once told me that she thought she looked like a horse.)

She is scared beyond belive of magic and in currently engaged to be married to a Mr. Vernon Dursley. A young man, who resembles a pig quite a lot. My parents don't really like him, but "he loves (or he says he does) our Petunia and can provide for her and that whats important."

Direct qoute from dad.

Tuna's big dream in life is to be housewife. I am by no means criticzing work of a housewife. I know it's a hell of lot of work, but Tune could at least get an education, in case she is forced to work one day.

A HOUSEWIFE! That girl-there is no words!

Then there is me.

Well, with the exception of the fact that I am a witch, I'm pretty much ordinary.

I have red hair; well it changed a lot this summer, so the colour changed from bright red to a auburn red.

(Much nicer if you ask me. I've treatened to charm my hair another colour, but my mum literally wrote a letter to my headmaster and asked him to keep an eye out for my haircolour. Mum loves my hair. She's not too fond of Tuna's though. According to mum; Blond hair and Italien blood don't mix!)

I'm short. Really short. Not goblin short, but still really short. I'm stuck at the miserble height of 5'2 f. I'm a bit sore about my height, because I hate being this short. I've seen second years, who were heigher than me.

My best friend Charlie once told me the sweetest thing I've ever heard from anybody.

What I lack in height, I make up for with my temper and my voice. (The sweet thing being my voice. My temper-well I'am a redhead and have Italien blood in me. Would you expect anything less than a high temper!)

My parents, Charlie and Gracie think I have a good singing voice. (Have I perhaps inherit some of my mothers talent? Or maybe they are all tone deaf and are just saying things? How confusing!)

I sing whenever I'm in a mood (which is like constantly! I'm a redhead with a temper-could you expect anything less?) Or play the guitar. (Dad taught me! I'm pretty good at it!) Or souldancing. It's so much fun!

I'm not fat, but I'am by no means thin as the bulimic queen bees. I do have lovehandles I would love to just curse away, but that would go against what my parents taught me. Your body is what it is, so accept it and live on with your life.

As a student I'm doing okay. I'm NOT a straight O student, but more along the line of an A, sometimes when I'm having a good day E student. I'm pretty good at Charms. Professor Flikwick even made me a permanent tutor for the younger students as ekstra credit.

I suck at potions, but hey who wouldn't with Professor Knutssocks breathing down your neck.

Can you say really uncomfortable and extreamly annoying?

Just read what I have been writing and haven't even introduced my school.

I'm a witch enrolled in Hogwart School in Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm about to start my 6 year there. I'm A Gryffindor. Why on this wide earth I ended up there, I have no idea.

I'm not brave at all, but as Charlie so nicely put it; If you can look Tuna straight in the eyes and say Shut up you arrogant Bitch and walk away alive, then you must have a little corage.

So, in this school of mine there are all together 2500 student here devided in four houses:

HufflepuffPeople who are hardworking and altogether friendly and nice.

SlytherinPeople who value pure blood and power! (Idiots every last one of them)

RavenclawPeople who are clever and all in all smart

and last but not least GryffindorPeople who are bold and brave.

As you can see, I often questen that stupid hat's decision about placing me in Gryffindor. I was just a little firste, who had just entered a whole new world and did not know anything.

In every house there are 7 groups:

Group A: The Athlets, who play the world famous wizard sport Quidditch

Group B: The Queen bees as I like to call them. Girls with blond hair, big bo…ah…a big chest and generally looks like a supermodel. They often have rich parents and therefore expencive clothes. They usually date the athlets.

Group C: The Wannabee. Girls and boys, who really want to belong or to be a part of group A or B. They often copy group A or B's behaviour and clothes.

Group D: The Outcast. People, who were once popular, but then did somethind stupid and lost their status, these people, are frowned upon (See how shallow the magic world can be.) and often avoided, so one do not socialize with the wrong kind of people.

Group E: The Brainies. The Nerds! People, who are constantly seen studying and do not really care about their appearance. (My kind of people. Not studying part, the the part about appearance.)

Group F: Is where I place myself and Charlie and occationally Grace. Group F is a society for people, who just want to have fun, get our degree and leave Hogwarts so we can backpack around Europe as planned.

You could perhaps say that there is one more group. It's called The Group and consists of the Mara..Ahh….Marau….Marauders, I think they are called that. I not sure, so don't hold it against me!

There are The Sex Gods in the year above me. I don't know that much about them. According to Charlie, they are like the Princes of the school.

They cannot be the kings, since the school is Dumbledore's so he must be the King.

They are pranksters, ekstemly intelligent, quite the players and good athlets. The girls want them and the boys want to be them.

I must confess I like talking to Remus Lupin. I have a rather indepentent mouth, because my brain, sure as hell have no control over it, and it tends to land me in detention. I've spent around twelve of them with Remus.

He's fun to do talk to and we have fun together, well as much fun as one can have in detention. We're like friends in detention and talk about almost everything or give each other advice of all sorts. Occasationally we chat in the commenroom, if the rest of his friends are somewhere else. He's actually a good friend. I think Charlie has a crush on him!

I just realized that I never told you about my friends. Well, Outside of Hogwart (At Home.) I have a lot of friends, who I love spending my summers with.

But, when we are talking about Hogwarts my absolutely best friend is Charlie. She's a 6th year Gryffindor like me. Well, soon to be 6th year. We sort of bumb in to each other in our confusing 1st year.

Charlie is a pureblood unlike me, and lives in Margate somewhere with her mother. We have a strange friendship. We don't function very well with out each others opinion. We work as each others conscience, expect when we are on a sucker high or just feel spontaneous.

Charlie and I are dangerous when we are on a sucker high. A cupple of times we actually snuck out and went clubbing in Hogsmede. In our third year we found a secret passage out of hogwart, which lead us close to Hogsmede. It's been our escape route ever since.

Charlie is, like any other normal wizard and most witches, addicted to Quidditch and actually plays Keeper on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And I think she's good at it.

I don't understand Quidditch. Charlie has tried so many times to explain the rules, but it just ain't working, so finally she gave up. I'm also terrified of heights, so I don't go see the games like the rest of my house. The only time I ever dared myself up there on the stands; Charlie had to stund me and levetate me down uncounsious.

I'm very proud of her. My best friend. My Heroine. Quick thinking with a hysterical Lily! Not many people can think when I get hysterical.

Gracie is my other girl friend. She's in Ravenclaw and is considered a nerd and an outcast. Why I don't know. I don't ask questions. I asked her if she wanted to hang or study with Charlie and me, she asked what we were going to do her. (Probably thought we were going to prank her or something like that.) She quickly realized that not everybody cares about reputation and has since then hung out with me and Charlie.

Grace is a Pureblood and very curious, so when I wrote her first time and asked her to come over to my house a cupple of day, she as a pureblood, was at once curious how we muggleborn live. So every summer since 4th year I've had Grace and Charlie living with me for two weeks. My parents love them and they are considered my parents summerchildren.

Aghh!

BLOODY HELL!

I've been writing so much that I've been sunburned on my back thighs.

ARRGGGHH!

It hurts really badly!

Crap, well I've been writing fot three hour straight. No wonder I got burned. STUPID SUN! STUPID DELICATED SKIN!

I'm going now, because I'm in too much pain to write anything else then ARGHH!

Lily

P.S

I think I need my strawberries as comfort food. MUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY! NEED YOU!

As you can see pitifulness has just reached a whole new level! Lets all put our hands together for Lily Evans.

DDDDAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYY!

ARRRGGGG!

AV!


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